Lift The Patient from Rut of Self-pity

One of the great problems of the sick, especially the hospital patient is that he gets into the rut of self-pity, that he becomes so absorbed with his own pain, his own handicap, that he loses sight of everything else. We want first of all, therefore, to help the patient get out of the rut of self-pity; we want to be able to help him see the possibilities in himself and in his circumstances. We want him to know that he has a friend who is not going to question him about personal matters he does not wish to consider; a friend who is not going to give him superficial advice or coddle him, thereby increasing his self-pity and his sense of hopelessness.

Plan Your Visit

If a man has been seen before, review in your mind, and from whatever record you have kept, what he talked about, where he responded with interest, where he drew back, considering insofar as possible what the patient needs in things or spirit which can be given through your friendship In the coming visit. Does the patient like to talk or does he want to listen? Does he want to hear about what is happening in the church, in his own line of work, or in other community enterprises which are of interest to him?

Talk To Doctor, Nurse, or Chaplain

This is particularly important if the patient has not been seen before. It is a vital part of getting the facts to learn from them how he has been getting along and to become aware of needs which they believe we can help to meet. There are some areas which the doctor does not want the patient to consider and does not wish the layman to encourage the patient to discuss

Pull Up A Chair

Sick people are very sensitive to the attitudes and feelings, even to the posture taken by the visitor. If we are natural, comfortable and quietly cheerful with them, they will almost without exception, respond to us in a similar spirit. When we are at ease, it is easier for the man in bed to begin talking with us. This usually does not come without some experience and it is good to note the situations in which we are uncomfortable and to think them through so that we can modify the approach to the patient accordingly.

Give Assurance

Most of us are not in a position to judge the adequacy of sick room or hospital care and even if we are, it is entirely inappropriate to undermine the confidence of the patient by any gesture, tone, or statement. Our own confidence that he is in the right place and that everything possible is being done for him is important. Since we are not in a position to do anything about complaints which are made, it is usually best to try to lead the conversation to a different subject.

Understand

Perhaps, the chief ability of the understanding person is to wholeheartedly put himself into the patient’s place long enough to appreciate how he feels and thinks about his experience. But we must remember that it is the patient’s injury, amputation, or blindness and not ours and that we can never know completely, but only partially. Such a question as “How would the world look to me if I were in his position?” may be useful if the answer is based on a realistic use of our imagination.

Listen

Good listening is at the heart of successful visiting. To listen well may require a great deal of thought and effort and is often hard work. Some quietness grows out of fear or shyness; some failure to talk is withdrawing from people, or reflects an inability to take one’s rightful position with the other person.

Listening is none of these. When we talk to a person who really hears what we say, our feeling is usually, “There Is someone who understands and is listening, who enters into our experiences, looks at life from our point of view, tries to see things as we see them and to appreciate the meaning which we give to them.” It is actively, conscientiously, purposefully, warmly, taking in the experiences of another as he puts them into words. It is through listening that we walk along the same road with the patient and that we become “friends in the way.”

A good listener does not pry nor does he ask questions, except to bring out matters of Interest to the patient. He reaches out and takes the initiative in building the bridge between himself add the patient. When he does not understand what the patient is saying, he says so. To be frank in this regard usually indicates a genuine desire to understand more fully and this is appreciated by the patient. In listening, it is well to look for the good. As St. Paul said, “Love is always eager to believe the best, always hopeful, always patient.” Real belief in a man’s ability to achieve is the essence of encouragement.

Respond

We want, in visiting, to help those visited feel more secure, comfortable, hopeful, and free from anxiety by all that we have said to him and done for him, after we have seen his real needs. Here, where it is appropriate, it is helpful to share experiences that we have had which contribute to the patient’s understanding of his own circumstances.

Follow Through

If there is something you can do for the patient after you leave, talk it over. If possible, let him know when you will accomplish it so that he can have something definite on which to count. Make no promise or suggestion that cannot be carried through.

End Your Visit

End your visit indicating frankly where there is no more time available and if possible telling the patient when you will return. If the visit is ended with confident trust that in the patient’s complete response to God’s care and the care of the hospital, there is real security and salvation, we often do not have to say anything about it. The patient catches our spirit. Insofar as possible, end the visit on a positive note, on something that is satisfying and pleasant to the patient.

After The Visit

Offer up to God your experience in the visit, seeking light on its meaning and further ways you can help those whom you see know the real sources of strength and peace.

Each of us will apply these principles in a little different way, but to be true to them and to evaluate honestly our relationships with those in the hospital will result in a growing sense of satisfaction and achievement and most of all will make our visits a source of pleasure and of helpfulness to the patient.

For The Sick

O Lord, look down from heaven, behold, visit and relieve this your servant. Look upon him/her with the eyes of your mercy, give him/her comfort and sure confidence in you, defend him/her in all danger, and keep him/her in perpetual peace and safety; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen

For Healing and Peace

O Lord who art closer than breathing, nearer than hands or feet; this your servant comes to you for healing and peace. You who art Love and know all the pain and suffering the children of men endure, let your healing touch rest upon NN, forgiving NN of all sins and healing all infirmities. Whisper as of old to NN: “Son, (Daughter,) your sins be forgiven you - go in peace.” In your holy Name we pray. Amen.

Thanksgiving Upon Recovery

You has heard our cry, O Lord, and has healed the infirmity of NN. All that is within us would praise your holy Name. Let us never be unmindful of your goodness nor forget all your benefits. May we ever be forever thankful and show forth your praise. In your service all our days; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.